What I wanna be when I grow up.

Strong and Triumphant. Thats just a snipit of what I want to be when I grow up. As I sat down to write this blog I began to think how I am not those words above, and that I am reaching nearly 30 years old. I thought about this for a min and I realized that I'm not grown up yet. I still have some time to reach Strong and Triumphant.

Today I don't feel like I am who I wanna be. I have been going over the past couple days in my mind, and I realize there is much room for improvement. Things I could do better, things I could adjust and change. I realize this is not conducive to being positive towards myself. However I really need to take a hard look at myself and see where I need to make changes. My diet is not where it needs to be. I feel like I've given up on putting effort in. But there is part of me who really wants to try harder. So I am going to not give up. This is the problem. I was never taught how to .... Count Calories. And my struggle is that I must learn this if I am going to live the life I want. People try to tell yo how to do it, as if it is taught by speaking and osmosis. But it's harder then it looks. When I make a dinner.... how the hell do you figure out the calories in a portion.??? I mean seriously?. Do you just add the calories in all the items that it took to make that dinner? Seriously.. this is going to take forever, it will consume my day. I really wish that counting calories did not consume my day. But this is a cold hard lesson I HAVE TO LEARN if I am going to change my life.So buck up chuck and learn it already so we can get on our way. People who see me struggling have tried to help.. and they have given me useful tips no how they do it, now it is just a matter of me doing it and trying it. I can tell you that I am afraid to start, in fear of failure. I can tell you that fear of failure is a major thing that stops me and causes me problems in most things I do.


On to my next problem of the week. My knee. I don't know what it is exactly. It could be my hamstring, or my knee. What ever it is, it's holding me back from performing my best at run group and at home. I've tried RICE, Rest, Ice, Compression, Oh ... and I almost forgot Elevation. I didn't do elevation because I couldn't remember what E stood for. Anyways,  I've done RIC. It's getting worse as the days go on. I'm finding it uncomfortable in stepping up on steps or down on steps. I can walk straight on a flat surface and find little to no discomfort, but downhill and uphill. cause me a lot of discomfort. Not pain, but discomfort

Let me just say this... I AM FRUSTRATED!!!

This whole week I have been thinking if I was the person I wanted to be in life. And the answer is still No. Some people might think that I am too hard on myself. That I should be easier on myself, but I want to be the best that I can be. I know that I can still be better.  I am not at my best this week. There has been a lot that happened emotionally that is taking a toll on me, and again, my knee is taking a toll on my abilities.

I think this is a good marker. For my new life. this is a stepping stone. I am pausing here to take inventory of my life and I realize I'm still coming up short. It's not a bad thing, it is just a gauge for where I stand. I just need to order in a few more products and cut my losses on others.

I'm putting in my order today.

Motivation to count my calories
and
Patience to heal my knee that is bothering me.
and also
Cutting my losses on the complaints I've had for the last week. I've been quite the complainer.

So I urge you. If it's time to take Inventory on your life, do so. See where you stand. Stop holding onto what if's and coulda woulda shoulda's. Cut your losses on those and move forward. Place your order for next week and do your best to deliver.