Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tackling Your Demons!

Tonight, I tackled a major running demon. You see, there is this hill, well not really a hill but a slight incline that is very long in length. When I attempted to run it, I would have to stop half way or sometimes 2-3 times depending on the day. Tonight I ran the entire length with out stopping. I kept telling myself I could do it, I ignored the discomfort and struggle my legs were having, and I kept running. After I passed the half way point I knew I was going to do it. At that point, it gave me extra strength to continue, because I actually BELIEVED I could accomplish it.

I have realized that believing you can do it, and doing it is not far from each other. Once you believe, you can achieve it. Running has re-taught me belief in myself. I continue to challenge myself and reach those challenges. It really is uplifting.

As for my other weight loss demons. Calorie Counting. Gah!!!! Let me tell you, it is not simple. Not simple at all. There are so many head games you can play with yourself. Things such as rationalizing that it's ok to over eat, or thinking you deserve something that isn't good for you, but will fill some hole you have emotionally. Rewards are also big. I tend to reward myself with food after I've done a good job at working out, undoing everything I just worked so hard for.

Things are changing for me. I keep trying, I haven't given up yet. Now I am counting calories and watching my possible weight loss change when I choose to eat things I shouldn't after I've already had enough. This new excel sheet my Running Instructor gave introduced to me really is helping me see how my eating is affecting or rather sabotaging my weight loss. It's a rather rude eye opener if you ask me. I just hope that I can keep up with the calorie counting. It's going to make or break this weight loss journey. Thats what it's all about right? Calories in and calories out. It's really just that simple.

If only it was easy.....

Monday, May 16, 2011

The 100th Bay 2 Breakers 12k Foot Race

I DID IT!..... I am now home, resting it's now the day after Bay 2 Breakers. It was an absolutely amazing experience and I am so glad I went and finished!. My friends are the BEST! They made it so fun, and exciting. I can tell you that I will look back at that trip with smiles and no regrets.

Most people go for Costumes, or should I say... lack of costume? But everyone has fun! Although I didn't dress up in costume, I enjoyed watching and seeing everyone else's costume. People's creativity never ceases to amaze me.

In total for that day we did 12 miles, the race was 7.6 miles and I finished in 2hours 12 mins. I am beat!!! I feel like I've been hit by a train, but could not be happier!

Thank you to all my friends that helped me in my training, and support. And thank you for sharing this experience with me.

I only wish my Gran could see that I finished. Gran, this one was for you!. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do and loving me no matter what.

I will try to post photos later if I can.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Following your dreams...

Today I had a major epiphany! I realized that I love food. I've been going about this all wrong. I've been tackling it with guilt, and pushing myself to get past feeling bad that I loved food. But that was not the epiphany I had. My epiphany is that I need to find something I love MORE then food. And then I need to go after it.

I'm so sorry to announce that yes, although I do love running, it is not my most favorite thing in the world, which is why I kept leaving and returning and not able to keep on track. I simply did not love it enough to do it religiously. Which doesn't mean I am going to stop doing it. Knowing this. I asked myself, "then what do I love so dearly I would stop killing myself with food for?"..... my answer was "Horses." I LOVE HORSES!. I grew up with them, I took years of riding lessons, and my dream of staying extreamly active with them has died. I let it die inside me. And even though I rode often and sometimes even twice a week, I gave up on some dreams I had with them. I pushed them aside to make room for so many other things in life. And then I fed my empty hole with food. I replaced doing what I loved with food.

This habit has created such a bad circle, that I know simply knowing this about myself now it's still not going to be easy. But, I need to loose the weight so I can be a better rider. I need to loose this weight so I can be more agile on a horse and be taken seriously instead of struggling to get through a ride while being obese.

I have always had dreams of showing. Sadly, years ago when it was the week before my first show was suppose to go down, my mare went lame. I had to go and sit in the bleachers and watch from the stands. I was devastated. Simply and utterly broken hearted. I still have that dream. I still have the knowledge and will power to get myself back up to par to live that dream. Even if it's a simple po-dunk small town relaxed show. I dream of entering and taking either 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place. I had the best chance in the world when I was a young teenager coming out of 5 years of riding lessons, but like I said before, it was crushed. Then I moved off to college and put my dreams aside to live in the real world.

This is my niche. This is what I was born to do. Even though I may not be the best. I certainly will TRY MY BEST.  I would love to give it my all. Give this another shot. Read more books, learn more things and philosophies about  horses and fill my head with knowledge and luster for life.

I suggest that if you know your passion for life, you never let it go. Go after it full hearted, and never settle, or sacrifice it for anything. It's all we'll ever have in life if we have nothing else, we'll have passion.

I also suggest that if you haven't found your passion in life, that you spend some time on yourself and find it. There is nothing worse then wondering aimlessly through life and never loving what you do.
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