"I don't believe in working out"

...was my theory or catch phrase in college. I found it to be "not fun" and "silly.".  A lot of good that did me! I gained 30 lbs my first year at college.

There are the shoulda woulda couldas. I try not to focus on them, but they do come into my mind now and again. Like, I wish I did work out, and I wish I did try to eat better and MAINTAIN a healthy lifestyle that I once knew. I just simply think it would have been easier to take care of myself, then to try and LOOSE everything that I packed on. It seems to me that the effort to remove the fat on my body would take more effort, blood, sweat and tears then had I just done it right to begin with.

The fact of the matter is that I didn't. So where does that leave me now?. I am 95lbs overweight, and working on it. Thats where!

I realized in the last couple days that even if I don't loose weight today, or even this week, that I am changing my life. I am working out, and my eating habits are changing. So if I can just create a deficit of calories going in, then even at the end of the year, if I've lost 10 lbs I would be happier then if I gained 10 lbs. Even if it takes a year, I would still be happier then had I gained and not made the changes.

So for example. Instead of mashed potatoes, something I would not blink an eye at making in the past, I substituted it with mashed cauliflower. The caloric difference is BIG. You can GUILT FREE eat 1 cup of the cauliflower mash. Changes such as these are going to make the difference at the end of the year.

I also want to point out that even if you have a weak moment and have a mini food melt down. It's not the end of the world or diet. Just get up, brush yourself off and keep going. Something that I did and still struggle with is once you cheat, you've ruined your whole day, so go ahead.... eat up. But now I realize that thinking is harmful. Not only to my self esteem, but to my diet. I need to be OK with having ONE COOKIE. And leave it at that. I need to be OK with eating something I shouldn't, and not think that the whole day is wasted because of my poor choice, and may as well eat everything else in sight. That is a good way to make one simple little cookie turn into 5 lbs. Also, it will send you for a head trip that does nothing but cause you hurt.

This journey is such a learning process. I've learned so much about myself, and other people. I think that I've allowed myself to be my own worst enemy here, and I need to change that and make myself my very best friend. I need to treat myself like I would treat my very best friend. With love and respect and forgiveness. I treat other people that way, and it is the very least I can do for myself. 

This next week, I am going to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I can't. I spent too much time dwelling in the "I can'ts." It wasn't productive. 

I can work harder on my diet.

I can change my life.

I can be a better friend to myself.

I can change my ways of thinking

I can create a deficit in my diet.

I can forgive myself for not being perfect or making a mistake.

What are your "I can's" for this week? Share them with me. Just make a comment bellow on my blog in the space provided.