Project Melanie

So you see, I have this other blog that was a project of mine, however, turns out I can only write so much about horses because I don't own one. I ran out of ideas, and so it would be another few weeks until I could think of a topic to write about. So I thought about what I could write about that I am passionate about and dealing with right now, and what would be a topic I would be dealing with for a very long time. My weight, my health, my struggles and achievements are what came to mind. I didn't want this blog to be so nitchy that I would run out of ideas. I didn't want it to be about weightloss alone or even emotional side of life. I wanted it to encompass everything. I found that people like to share your ups and downs with you. They like to watch you change and grow... and thats what this blog will be about... growing.

So over the last year I've grown a lot. I've also learned a lot. For example their are things about myself that:
A.) I love
or
B.) I hate

I decided to stop wallowing in the things I hated, and start using the things I loved. I also decided to change the things I hated into positive things that I could build on.

I also realized that this eating business of mine was just going to have to change if I wanted to live the life I wanted. I realized that just as I had an unhealthy relationship with cigarettes (quit years ago), that I also had an unhealthy relationship with food. Yes, I am a self proclaimed food lover. I love food. I love to cook it, and I love to eat it. But I realize that what I have with food and me... is just an abusive relationship. And I want out! I want a new relationship that is healthy for me, full of good feelings and accomplishments. I can't do that when I am morbidly obese. So on to my quest of loosing it!

When I first set out to "loose it". I thought it would all be downhill once I made the choice to start. But to no avail it is an up and down battle. And I make it that way. It  is my own mind that keeps making road blocks and detours. Because that is all I've ever known. Failure. Failure to thrive. And so since that is all I've ever known, I keep trying to create failed results. I keep trying to sabotage myself. I am constantly on the defense with myself trying to avoid failure. It's an exhausting process. So until I give up and move aside for myself and let myself thrive this is what my battle is about.

My current struggle is that my body is just not up to par. I want to run. My mind wants to go fast and enjoy the movement, but my knees and shins are just there yet. Especially my knee. So instead of giving up I decided to make a game plan. Alyisha Davies helped me with this. So the tedious task of strength training seems daunting and impossibly long. I want change TOMORROW. But it will take time. I am impatient like a child would be. Instead of giving in to my impatients the project starts NOW! Instead of waiting until tomorrow to start..... I started Yesterday. It all begins here and now. I have a dead line to meet. I need to be able to do what I set out to accomplish.