Tea Time

Yogi Tea Wisdom of the day "You can run after satisfaction, but satisfaction must come from within."

How true is this?!!!! So true if you ask me.

My love affair with Yogi tea came at a time when I was very sick and I didn't know why. I was going on 2 months of stomach upset. I could barely keep food down. I went to see all different kinds of doctors and did all sorts of tests. Basically they decided I had Fatty Liver Syndrome. I mean it wasn't bad enough that I was so obese, but now it was spreading to my organs. I knew I had to do something. It was getting out of hand and I was loosing control.

So I started this tea regimen. It was called, "Yogi Detox", for the detoxification and cleansing of the kidneys and liver. I drank until my heart was content. I had 2-3 a night and very rarely did a day go by with out tea. I lost 30lbs while I was sick. I considered this a negative weight loss. I considered it unhealthy because I was not in control and it was due to being sick. I was happy non the less, but in my heart I knew this was not a good thing.

At the end of that 30 lbs weight loss my liver numbers returned to average or "normal". I counted my blessings and gave credit to the detox tea. Ever since I swear by this tea. I now have many different flavors such as "Muscle Recovery- For an active body", "Vitality - To increase stamina", and "Joint Comfort".

It was last year when I realized I was going to loose years on my life if I kept letting myself go. I started walking then, but barely broke a sweat. I still tried. I know that it was the act of just going outside and doing it was the hardest for me. Sometimes weeks would go by when I wouldn't get one walk in, but I'd pick it up again, I never gave up. And here I am 30 lbs down by my choice. Being active and changing my life for the better. I know that this road is going to be a long process. I also know it's not going to be easy, but I am determined. I already feel so much better, and feel like I CAN accomplish things and have achievements of my very own.

Support

I can't thank those around me at Group enough. They are so supportive and they absolutely will not let you fall down and not get up. I love it.

Last night my body just wasn't up to par. Psychically my legs were killing me. I had done the hill earlier that day and I was paying for it. I was also exhausted. I know that things will get better though.

I had gone to Starbucks to grab a cup of Joe to wake up. So tired I was. And I sat in a parking lot to drink it. Half way through I decided to go home, then on my way home I decided to stay and go to group.... then go home... go to group.....go home.. go to group. I was TORN! I ended up driving all the way home. Then Alyshia got a hold of me. She has a way of lighting fire under your feet. So off to group I went.

Group seemed impossible to me that night. I felt like everything was a struggle. I did about 60% of the work out and let the rest of it slid. I felt glad that I just showed. The support is amazing there and I needed it.

When I got home I iced my legs. They needed it so badly.

This morning I was never so glad to see coffee. Ohhh coffee, how I love you so.

So the next few days will consist of nothing serious for me. Light walking and no running. My legs need to heal. I think I have shin splits on top of cramps in my calves. Whop de do!

To those of you who think I might be quitting or giving up. I'm not. I'm still full bore ahead, but sometimes ya gotta just listen to your body and slow down a bit. My mind moves at a much faster pace then my body can and sometimes it simply can't keep up. Thanks for all your support. I love you guys already.

Tired.

Thats right folks. I'm tired. I don't know if it was from the heavy work out on Tuesday, or this morning's hill. But I feel like I need a nap. I tried to lay down and sleep a short while but I can't. I tried.

So here is my problem. I have Group tonight with the Marathon League. And I feel half asleep. I feel like not going. But I know thats not a good idea. I want to be there mentally, but physically can I just get a break?

On top of it all I feel like just crying. I don't know about you, but when I get over exhausted I feel like crying my eyes out. Don't know why or what causes this but it happens to me.

Perhaps it's because I'm so tired physically and I am sad my body can't go further? I am frustrated I got to this point. I am frustrated I let myself get to be 200 plus lbs.What is even more frustrating is that now I'm trying to do something about it and the task feels overwhelmingly difficult.

My mind can remember what it was like to be a teenager. Agile, flexible, and a young athlete. My mind wants to be "THERE" again. But my body is so far from it. It makes me sad, it makes me angry, and all those non productive feelings that produce nothing but negative emotions. Even though I realize these emotions are not conducive to feeling good about myself I can't help but feel them.

I just have to remember that I've accomplished a LOT since I decided to change my life. I need to focus on the things I've done so far and know that I can keep going. Like the fish Dora Says on "Finding Nemo"....."Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.".

So thats what I'll do. Spoken from true wisdom of Dora the fish. I'll keep swimming today.

Defeat tastes bitter!

There was a challenge yesterday, and I was simply too exhausted to do it. But this morning I felt I could give it a shot. So I drove to the hill. Got out of my car, stretched and warmed up. As I was warming up I was thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing here?"  I mean seriously my legs still haven't recovered from last Tuesday. Well I thought I would try anyways. I walked around the neighborhood for a while to warm up. Then I hit the hill.

I started of slow and sure. Taking my time. I got to the first corner, and I may as well have been running straight up the stairs. Perhaps I should have taken the outside of the corner and not the inside steepest part. My lungs began to burn, and again, the pain in my legs went away. What is that lack of oxygen? I hit the first cross road and kept on going. I started to get light headed and couldn't see straight. My legs continued to take me higher. When I hit Mountain View cross road I quit. It was that or pass out. I couldn't take it.

 I was defeated. 

It was then when I caught my breath that I realized my legs were shaking underneath me. It felt like an earthquake. My knees quivered and wanted to crumble under my weight.

And now I had to walk down the hill I had just run up. Great!

I walked down slowly, legs shaking and all. Thank God I remembered my knee brace. Down hills are difficult on my knees the one feels as if it wants to buckle under me on good days.

When I got back to my car I sat there for a moment. Gathering myself until I could see straight again.

I stopped at Safeway on my way home to grab some bananas and cottage cheese. I could barely walk into the store. How was I ever going to do training tonight with the All Amador Marathon League? I had to face it, I certainly wasn't going to run tonight. But maybe I could go just to walk.

I don't like how defeats feels. It feels permanent and daunting. It feels dark and dreary. It feels like failure. I'm done failing. This will be one of my goal hills. Literally. I will climb this hill one day!

Competitive like a horse

Weird right? I know what you're thinking, "Horses aren't competitive". But I think they are. You know how when they are racing with another horse, and they get equal to them, look them in the eye and push harder to win, to get ahead of the other horse. Let me tell you I've been on a horse that wanted to be first, and you can NOT stop them. They are going for the gold.

          (Seabuscuit VS War Admiral)
Here is some info on Seabuscuit. He was a horse that was smaller then the rest, and he was also not a favorite. He was not expected to win, but he did. He went on and won many races. When it came to War Admiral, he was the fastest horse around. Again, Seabuscuit was thought to loose. However, Seabuscuit had it in his heart to win. He had a huge heart and even though War Admiral was the usual winner, Seabuscuit won. It just goes to show that it's not all about the act of doing something, but it's the heart that counts.

Last night I reminded myself of that. How the horse pushes it into another gear when they are equal with another horse or even behind another horse. The running group I am in met at a local high school track. We were doing conversational laps where you were supposed to talk as we walked, and then push laps, where you were supposed to push as hard as you can go with out falling over. On my first lap I did 3:25, on my second lap Alyshia trotted up next to me and we met pace. It wasn't so hard for the first few mins, but as I came around the last bend my lungs started to bulk. I was scraping for all the oxygen I could get. An amazing thing happened, the pain in my legs was gone for those last minuets. I don't know if it was lack of oxygen or that I was trying so hard that I couldn't pay attention to anything else around me then what I was doing, but I beat Alyshia. I know she can run faster, but she ran at a pace she thought was my level, and I pushed passed it. I nearly cried when I finished. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I could make it past that last bend, let alone kick it into 4th gear and finish before her. I shaved off 10 seconds off my first timed lap and did 3:15. It took everything I had.

Although my calves were in knots nearly the entire time, I was able to push past the pain and run. When I got home I gave them a much needed pressure massage and they feel ok today. I will need to work on them some more. I can tell that cramps in my calves will be the first hurdle I have to cross. The second hurdle will be my lungs. I've always had trouble with exercised induced asthma.

Here's to you Seabuscuit.   (Seabuscuit VS War Admiral)

Emotional Attacking

This is something near and dear to my heart. I've experienced it many times in my life and I can tell you that none of which were pleasant or deserved. It breaks my heart knowing that there are young kids out there who are experiencing it and enduring it. I wish from the bottom of my soul that I could stop it some way worldwide. But just one person can only make a chip or dent in the problem.... and then others will arise victimizing others. Stop one, another will rise. My theory is a sad but true one. So we must all band together against it. Even if it means stopping ourselves from doing it to others.

So this posting is dedicated to every soul who has experienced it, is currently enduring it, and anyone who doesn't know what to do about it. Also anyone who is doing it to others.

Emotional Blackmail, or Emotional Bullying. This is what I am talking about here today.

Children are committing suicide over it. People are using it as means to control others emotions and feelings in order to get them to do things they want or in order to simply hurt one another.

Like I said I have experienced it myself. It's painful and scaring. In ALL of my experiences with it I did not deserve it. I was simply being authentic to myself and in turn someone didn't like it and attacked me emotionally. I thought about how I should talk about this subject, and I want to acknowledge that yes even though I was a victim in the emotional attack like many of you, I will not allow them to victimize me. I will not allow myself to wallow in the pain or discomfort. I will get up, brush myself off and move forward. I think you should too. Because I know that everyone reading this has experienced some form of emotional bullying. If we sit in our sadness of it, it is like poison to your soul. You'll die there in it.

I think about why people do this.  Here are some theories:

• They don't like themselves and feel guilty for what ever reason
• They try to lower you a peg or two in order to feel better about themselves
• They wished they could be like you, and can't, so they try to change you for the worse.
• They want to hurt you, and cause you pain
• They don't want to see you succeed.
• They want to see you fail.
• Misery loves company.

These are just a few of my ideas of why people do this. Sometimes it's not as negative as I express, and sometimes they want to invoke action in you. But none of which is called for. Trying to control someone else is simply not acceptable.

I hope that everyone enduring this can get the strength of overcome it. Stand up for themselves and take a stand against it. And if you are stuck in the discomfort of it, I hope you can walk away from it.

Standing up for yourself can be a difficult thing. Especially when you know it will hurt someone else. It is our nature to please other people, and sometimes we do it at our own sacrifice. Before you know it we have sacrificed and sacrificed ourselves and nothing is left. Which is why we become overweight and begin emotionally eating. Trying to fill a void that can't be filled because there is nothing left of ourselves to give. Our  youth of the world can't keep up with the world's expectations of them. They are just trying to be true to themselves, and people slap them down beaten and bruised. They can only take so much before they start believing in what others are saying about them. If people began to believe everything others said about them, what would be the point in living?. Thats why suicide happens. They stop believing in themselves, and believe what others are saying. It's so sad...... it breaks my heart. 

I've been there. I've been at a point where I started to believe what the world was saying about me. What society said about me. Until now. I am rising above what the world thinks, and believing in myself. I pray and hope that every single kid out there, and adult will have the strength to do this. Sometimes it takes everything you have inside you. Sometimes it is as simple as ending an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes it is as hard as standing up for yourself. In any aspect. I hope it doesn't come to your doorstep, and when and if it does, I hope you're strong enough to fight back.

Looking forward to Group tonight!

I can't wait to go to group tonight. I am hoping that I get to push my body to see where some limits are. I'm hoping I get to push past them and find a little bit more strength. I also hope that I'll be able to walk tomorrow morning. LOL

I've found the mysterious, "runner's high" everyone speaks about who works out. I love it! It makes me happy to my core. I love the way my body feels after a good work out and after accomplishing something I thought I couldn't do. It's amazing and uplifting. When I set out on this journey I didn't expect I'd like it so much! I know thats a weird para-dime, but I do. I enjoy being outside in the weather. Although I think I might think differently if I had to go out in the rain! Ha!

Signing off for now. Enjoy this beautiful day!