Taking over my life, in a good way

I have to say, I am begining to see changes in myself. Not only the 3 successful pounds I lost this week, but my over all attitude towards my health and well being. I've spent an enormous amount of time trying to re-learn how to eat because I know that is where I went wrong with all of this. I LOVE food. And it doesn't mean I don't have to love food that is healthy for me. I just have to adapt to things a bit and keep an open mind. It's been challenging to keep an open mind. But I'm doing it. I used to bulk at ideas that I thought were "too far". But now I give it a try and if it doesn't work for me oh well. And if it does work for me Great!. I'm trying to change my behavior and attitude towards food and it's not easy. Yesterday I threw a tantrum and drove to the store and bought a chocolate cream pie. I consciously made that decision. However I didn't realize it was a response to stress. I thought it was a simple craving that got the best of me. Emotional eating has really driven me for the past however many years, and it's simply not going to go away over night. I realize now that what I thought emotional eating was "my boyfriend broke up with me so I am going to to sit in bed and eat a gallon of ice-cream" was not always the correct version of emotional eating. For example. My version of emotional eating is. "I'm bored, well what can I Do?... (wander to the kitchen and graze)" That was my version. Or like yesterday. I was worried about the purchase I had made for myself that was not benefiting anyone besides me. It was a simple cheap purchase that I made for myself and myself alone. And I felt guilty. My response was to go drive to the store, and buy a whole pie. When I got home I realized that this was wrong, but I may as well eat a slice since I had it there anyways. I gave half to my neighbor. and let my husband eat the other half. I had a total of 2.5 slices.

This is my story. My tantrum sounded like a child throwing a fit in my head, and the reasonable side sounded like the rational adult trying to get control of the child. The child wouldn't have it. And she won that round. Eventually the adult got control of the child a short while later. This happens all the time. She wins alot. But I am learning to rewire her in a way that She doesn't win as much. The adult is ruling over the child and She's winning.

Running is another thing. I used to slump and slink to the door in avoidance of having to exercise. Now, I can not wait till I get out there and do it again. I am getting more brave and having less excuses. Even though I enjoy it I occasionally find that the little child wins again with excuses as to why not to do something I really want to do. But like I said it's a learning process.

I am seeing my views change, and my body. Though I have gained the 8 back I lost 3 of that again. I am finally realizing this is going to be my new life. What I don't completely realize yet is that it does get easier. I have to remind myself that this will get easier. Counting calories gets faster, easier and more accurate as I go along. Now that I've broke through the part where I have to be honest with myself, I find that counting calories really is helping me stay in the ball park of where I need to be calorie wise.

I think I've simply changed as a person. Whether or not I am still obese is besides the point. I have created a new life for myself. Although the old life sometimes shines through. This new life if full of good things for me. I am constantly unwrapping something good that turns my way. Like setting a new mile record. Nothing gets better then that!